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27 and a half weeks

Dear Baby

I am the worst about updating, and I feel like I left our loyal readers on a cliffhanger there!

Our anatomy scan:

a month  and a half ago we went in for another U/S, this time to check all your parts and make sure they were growing right, AND to see if we could determine what kind of “parts” you had! Before we went I drank a slushie from Sonic, hoping that between the sugar and the ice you’d move around a lot.  Apparently you’re as stubborn as your parents, because you kept your face buried in my hip the whole time. But you’re growing just right, and it turns out that you’re a boy!

When The Tech told me, I started crying. Knowing made it so much closer to being real. I am having a baby boy. I held your Daddy’s hand and I think he was a little overwhelmed. We didn’t care Which you were,  but knowing was very very precious to us. Then Dr. Burt came in and looked and said “Well thats DEFINITELY a boy” Apparently sometimes its hard to tell. I have the best picture of your very perfect spine, and a little hand waving, but none of your face.  That is ok though, I’ll have my whole life to look at your handsome face and it’ll be nice to have a surprise as to who you look like when we meet you!

Then we had a long time of going out a lot, My 10 year HS reunion, Maggie and Nick’s wedding, Grandpa came up and spent the weekend, and we picked a first name for you: James. We had discussed it, and thought that we’d tell people that we were 85% sure that we were going to name you that, so as to leave room in case another name tickled our fancy more. but then I started calling you James in my head, and grandpa started calling you James, and it just sort of stuck. Then I had a premonition: That when you got to MS/HS you would go by “Jamie”  I don’t know why I’m so sure about it, but I am.  We picked it, because both your Dad and I have had very special people in our lives named James, and its a solid and would be hard for people to misspell ( a problem I have to this very day)

By about 24 weeks, my Feet started to swell up on a regular basis. mostly just the left one, but Dr Burt doesn’t seem very concerned about it. so I’ve decided not to be either. By the next week I was able to take video of you kicking me, and my stomach bulging out a little.

My Dad and Mike and your uncles came up to visit, and we walked around Ikea, and ended up buying you a shelf for your room, a lamp, and some fabric drawers for the shelf. Daddy and I spent some time cleaning up your room this weekend, and next Saturday we’ll put the shelf together.  Daddy is getting used to kids hanging around him, but it was very funny when we were in Ikea. I sat down and Daddy sat beside me, and your uncle Jeremy decided to climb up and sit on David’s lap.  Daddy didn’t understand what he was doing “What?” he said “what are you doing, why are you climbing me?” It was really really funny!

And then Came the gestational diabetes test.

I failed. Both. Spectacularly.

So now I check my blood sugar a lot, and eat a very measured number of carbohydrates through out the day. I hate it, because after a couple of days of doing so I don’t feel like the numbers are good enough for the energy I’ve expelled trying to follow the program. I’m panicked at the thought of having to give myself shots of insulin everyday, and I’m trying desperately to do this by diet alone.  I am doing this for you, and for my own health but it feels very hard. I get frustrated when I do everything I’m supposed to do, and I still have crappy BS #. I don’t like feeling that I’m doing my best but I still can’t win.  I hate needles, and I was really hoping that we wouldn’t have to go through this, but, as you’ll hear me say over and over again in your life time “It is what it is”

I love you James, and I can’t wait to meet you in just 84 days!

Love,

Mama

catching up.

Dear Baby 
 
I’ve fallen behind on this. Sorry I’ve flaked out on it, but life goes on. At your 16 week appointment (which actually took place at 17 weeks, since Daddy was in Chicago) you spent your very short U/S folded in half like a diver or a gymnast. full on pike position 
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So try as the tech might, you wouldn’t give her a look at your parts. But hey, however you are comfortable. 

You had a milestone before you were even born! Sara and Nate came out from Florida, and we five (Sara, Nate, daddy, me and you of course!) went to a Chemistry set show. So that was your first concert! I wanted you to be able to hear it, and realized kind of quickly that even if you couldn’t hear it, you were definitely able to FEEL it. It was a great night, and as Daddy and I drove home, I was really struck by how much things have changed, and how much more they’re going to. Three days later you kicked me for the first time.  
 
 
Your latest trick is kicking me when its time to eat. let me make this clear that this is just about the ONLY time I feel you kick. its mostly around lunch time, but you do it for dinnertime too. sometimes when we’re watching TV, daddy will put his hand on my belly, hoping that you will kick him so he can feel it. No luck yet. Sometimes before bed, he’ll talk into my belly button like its a microphone, he tells you how much he loves us, and how excited he is to meet you. Can you hear him in there? When I talk, can you hear words, or is it just a sort of “Ohhwa wa wa wa” like in peanuts cartoons? I read out loud to you sometimes, just bits and pieces of whatever I am reading, trying to get you used to the cadence and sound of my voice. I’ve also been trying to watch my language, because I’m pretty sure if I don’t start now, your first words will be along the lines of a certain four lettered F word.  |

Remember that Just between friends sale we went to? the one where I spent $68? Well the company charged me $680! can you believe the oversight of some people? 
 
The Tuesday after labor day We went to target and registered for baby gifts. Daddy had taken an extra long weekend and we had lolled around the house for three days already, so we took advantage of the day and went to Target. Daddy did all the scanning, and I did all the freaking out. Eventually we got a list of 50 or so things, and I think between those things, and whatever else people come up with, we’ll be set. We put a few big ticket items on there, like a crib and the travel system we like, not expecting people to get it for us, but just to earmark the ones we had picked. Well out of all the things on the blasted list, the crib got purchased first! I’m pretty sure it was Daddy’s co workers, but I was just flabbergasted! 
 
that pretty much brings us up to date. today we have our anatomy scan, and I’m hoping its all solid, and that we get to see what parts you’ve got, then we’ll start to tackle the biggy: A Name.

 

12 weeks

Dear Baby

Today was our 12 week appointment, and it didn’t come soon enough for me. it seems to be a pattern where I have an U/S, and for two weeks after I’m flying. I’m confident that everything is alright, and you’re growing, and everything is cool. Then about 2 weeks before we go back to the doctor, I become a nervous wreck. I manage to convince myself that everything is NOT cool, nor will it be again, and I get emotional and anxious, and I have to face the bathroom mirror and tell my refection that she’s being a gigantic nutjob.

they tell me its normal.

So we got to go the doctor’s today, and we had to wait a really really long time, because Dr. Burt was tending to an early delivery. I didn’t care, because while I was hungry and starting to get tired, I knew that we’d get to see you soon, and that I’d be able to shrug off all these gnawing doubts. Usually, We have the U/S first, and then they take us into a room to wait for he Doc. This time they took us right back to the exam room, and I tried to stay calm for the blood pressure cuff. I asked the nurse, if we were not getting an U/S this time and she said she’d check. then we waited a LONG long time for Dr Burt. He came in, told me that everything looked ok weight/blood pressure wise. (I still haven’t technically gained any weight. which is fine, I can afford to lose some and still have both of us be healthy)He encouraged me to go on Daddy’s trip to chicago with him. I asked him about the ultra sound, and he said they were trying to work me into the room. So we went back out to wait. and we waited. and waited. Finally we got back to the U/S room. For the first time they got to do a surface scan: you’re officially big enough to do that now. They warm the jelly there. I was expecting it to be cold, but it was warm and that kind of felt icky-er.
But there you were! looking like…well, a PERSON! I guess you had the hiccups, because you kept jumping a little, I can’t feel it yet, but we could see as clear as day. I think you have daddy’s nose. Also, you kept putting your hand toward your mouth, kind of the same motion one does when licking salt off ones hand while doing tequila shots. Then, you just turned over. You turned over and mooned us. “no more pictures paparazzi!”
You measured 12 weeks, 2 days. I think you’re just tall like my dad is. I’m glad about that, because I have suffered my entire adult life because I was short.
We still dont know if you’re a girl or a boy, but I have caught myself calling you he the majority of the time. I’ll catch myself and throw a “She or Her” in there, but I mostly just tell myself that classically, if one doesn’t know the correct gender, english defaults to the masculine.

I’m not showing yet, but my abdomen and belly are much firmer to the touch. I’m beginning to accept that with my build, no one will be able to tell I’m pregnant for a while yet.

I love you baby, and I’m so thankful that everything is coming along so well.
-Momma

Other kids, and why you don’t have that many things yet.

Dear Baby,

I have become hyper aware of Babies in public places. I have never been one to ooh and ahh over stranger’s babies, but now I find myself watching them like a hawk. What are they wearing? Do they look comfortable? Why is that one screaming? its like I’m assuring myself that its possible to take a baby out of your house and still function like a normal person. I also (guiltily) find myself judging moms with babies who aren’t wearing enough clothes, but then its summer and dreadfully hot so I don’t feel really justified.

I’m also critiquing the behavior of small children. For instance; we were strolling through Michaels a few days ago and heard this…I can’t really describe it in text but it was this atonal “eeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhh” I turned the corner, and there was this 3 year old strapped into a cart, making this noise over and over, apparently expressing his displeasure or boredom. the man with him (presumably his father) just…ignored him. Now, I’ll admit that I am sensitive to repetitive noises. (and your dad is very very good at making them) But really? You can’t take this opportunity to level with the kid, and say “I understand that you’re bored, and as soon as I’m finished we’ll go, but in the mean time I need you to use words or shut up” After we had checked out, as soon as we got back into the car I turned to Daddy and he put his hand up “Yes” he said “Our kid will never get away with acting like that” So glad we’re on the same page.

On the other hand, while I was wandering through the baby section of target, getting myself worked up (More on this later) there was a little girl and her mother, picking out a baby gift for someone else. Her mom had basically given her free reign on picking one of those blankets with the animal heads on them, and the little girl was trying to pick between two of them: a bear or a dog. “the doggie looks nice, like our dog Sammy is” She was telling her Mom. “but the bear is like in Brave, and that is good too” Mom explained to her that the baby hasn’t seen Brave, but he’ll probably meet Sammy, and it was up to her. So the girl bit her little lip and picked the Dog, telling her Mom “We’ll get this one, cuz you know, spoilers.”
and it gave me hope,
and joy
and tingles.
Because you CAN teach them to think for themselves and treat them like they can make their own choices.(and be conscientious about spoilers) It was such a simple easy thing: picking out a gift, and teaching a kid to be thoughtful, but it was the first time I’d left the baby section of ANYWHERE smiling and not Anxious and Freaked out.

Thats all baby sections do to me, by the way. I wander around, looking at things, wondering how I’m ever going to be able to make decisions about Breast pumps or clothes (I can barely dress myself, and now I’m in charge of another human?) and it all starts to blur together until I get very very anxious and have to leave the store. On one hand, I’m not buying a lot of stuff, but on the other, I don’t know how I’m going to pick stuff out for you if I start to hyperventilate everytime I walk into babies r us.

Your Tinker and I met up with Aunt Kathy in Denton, who assured me that I’d “mess up at some point” so I shouldn’t worry over it. I tried to explain to her how special you are, and she just smiled knowingly at me. She’ll understand when she meets you.

Love,
Momma.

Cloth Diapering

This is a Copy/paste of an Email my really good friend sent me in regards to cloth diapering. I post is here so others can get the benefit of her teachings:

The first thing you should know are there are different types of

diapers.  There are a lot of factors for you to think about when you
decide what kind you want to use.

The most cost effective would be prefolds and covers. This is what
your mom would think of when she heard cloth diapers.
http://www.kellyscloset.com/Prefold-Diapers_c_601.html
Prefolds are pretty much just a flat cloth that you fold and use a pin
or something called snappis to hold the cloth together
http://www.kellyscloset.com/-Fasteners_c_588.html  You can buy gerber
prefold diapers at walmart or babies r us, but they are not as
absorbent as some of the ones you will find online.
Then you will need a cover to keep the wetness in.
http://www.kellyscloset.com/Diaper-Covers-_c_603.html
These tend to be the bulkiest.  I’ve also been told that they are the
easiest to use with newborns.  We didn’t start CD until Will was 3
months old or so.

The next closest thing is fitted diapers with covers.
http://www.kellyscloset.com/Fitted-Diapers_c_596.html
Again, fitted diapers by themselves are not waterproof, so you need
the cover to keep from leaking.
Fitted diapers usually have velcro or snaps to keep them shut, and
they are cut into the shape of a diaper.  They don’t need folding like
prefolds, and tend to be a little more absorbent.
I have a good friend that uses these, if you want more info on them
I’d be happy to ask.

We use what are called pocket diapers.
http://www.kellyscloset.com/Pocket-Diapers-_c_622.html
Pocket diapers are a waterproof outside with fleece or suedecloth on
the inside.  There is an opening to put an insert in.  Your pocket
diaper will come with an insert, but sometimes it is good to mix and
match.  The inserts can be made with different things.  Our stash is
made up of fuzzibunz, knickernappies, and rumparooz.

The closest thing to disposable diapers are called all in one.
http://www.kellyscloset.com/All-in-One-Diapers-_c_608.html
These are the diaper, insert, and everything all in one.  These are
nice in that there aren’t any parts, nothing to fold or stuff, but
they take longer to dry.  I’ve used bumgenius all in one before.  We
have some small ones that are hand me downs that we started with.

Then there is something called hybrid diapers.
http://www.kellyscloset.com/Hybrid-Diapers_c_859.html
Hybrid diapers are a diapering system that uses a water proof cover,
and either washable inserts, or disposable inserts.  We have a few
g-diapers and have mixed emotions about them.  Court has some newborn
ones that we may try when bean gets here.

Now, some other things to think about.  Within each style of diaper,
you can get two types: sized, and one size.
Sized diapers will be the trimmest, but only fit for a short amount of
time.  As baby grows, you have to get different sizes to fit.  Then,
there are one size.  Most one size diapers have rise snaps on the
front and you can make them shorter or taller.  Fuzzibunz does theirs
a little differently.  The elastic in the legs and back are
adjustable.
You also want to think about whether you want snaps or velcro.  Velcro
has more ability to get precise fit.  Snaps, we have discovered are
better for older little ones.  Before he ouutgrew them, lo #1 could
undo velcro, but couldn’t get the snaps open.

Other things you might/ will need:

Detergent- you can’t use regular detergent on cloth diapers.  You will
need something that is unscented and doesn’t leave a residue.  Some
people swear by tide free and clear, but we still got some build up
with it.  We use Rockin’ Green
http://www.kellyscloset.com/Rockin-Green_bymfg_85-0-1.html Rockin’
Green is made here in TX, it’s actually just 15 or 20 minutes away
from our house.  The ladies who own it are SUPER awesome and helpful!
Any time I have a question about diapers, I ask them.  If they don’t
get back to you quickly, someone on their page will.  This is their
facebook page https://www.facebook.com/rockingreensoap  What is great
about this soap is they have different formulas.  They do hard rock,
classic rock, and soft rock depending upon what type of water you
have.  We use the hard rock because our water is REALLY hard.

Liners- We use liners for our diapers.  It makes poopy clean up way
easier.  They are thin paper strips that sit in the diaper and you can
just dump poop in the toilet.  These are especially good when baby
starts eating solids.  Breast milk poop can just be put in the wash.
Formula tends to stain.

Diaper sprayer- If you don’t want to use liners, another option is a
diaper sprayer.  This connects to the toilet and is like a sprayer
that you’d have in the sink.  You can spray clean diapers before you
put them in the wet bag.

Pail liners/ wet bags- These are a must.
http://www.kellyscloset.com/Wet-Bags-Pail-Liners_c_811.html  We use
wet bags.  Mostly we used smaller wet bags because lo #1 was in
daycare, but we have one or two bigger ones that hang in the room to
put diapers in too.  I’m a fan of the planetwise ones.

Dear Baby,

I’ve been having this horrible recurring nightmare: I’m holding a baby and as I am, it gets smaller and smaller, until it fits in the palm of my hand. Then it stops breathing, and I poke it, and my finger goes right through.
It is a horrible nightmare, and I’ve been having it quite a lot.

So of course I’ve been nervous for our doctor’s visit today. But then when we had our Ultra sound, there you were, Triple the size you were before, with your little heart beating hard and perfect. You are exactly on track size wise from last time, which is a huge relief. I had almost convinced myself that you hadn’t grown at all, which is silly, because how would I know? As Daddy joked at Lunch “You’re not getting out of this that easy”

Your heartbeat was 179, To which Daddy said “wow!” the tech explained that it would slow down a little later, but that there was just so much going on in your body that it has to pump hard!
I have lost three more pounds from the morning sickness, but I’m sure we can gain it all back and then some before you come.

Dr. Burt is very pleased with how you’re coming along, and we talked a little about Birthing classes (He told us that from his impression of us, we would think the Bradley method classes were “Silly”) and how he doesn’t like to make birth plans. So the three of us decided that my birth plan would be this: At the End of January, I plan to give birth. I will try to do it as naturally as possible, but if he thought I needed pain management/intervention, I would be open to that. Daddy and I have decided that we will just trust the professionals, who after all, have done this more times then we have. I am very very confident that we have picked the right doctor to help you into the world.

So after the doctor (no blood work! yay!) Daddy and I had Lunch at McAllister’s Deli, where I had the most amazing Baked Potato. This is extra nice because I have not thrown up today!!! Isn’t that an odd thing to pat myself on the back for? Little things like that matter.

I ordered a pocket Diaper for you and it came in the mail yesterday. It’s terribly cute, and fuzzy! I really like having it in the house, because now I’ve got one to touch and snap and unsnap, it feels like a less scary concept, (Cloth diapering in particular, Baby having in General)

I also showed Dr. Burt the anti nausea melts I got from “Dr Dan” as soon as he saw they were from Trinity Pharmacy, he said they were fine “Dr Dan is famous around these parts” I think I detected a little glint of Rivalry, but I may have just imagined it.

So when we got home I was looking at the ultra sound pictures, and felt a little bummed. Watching the video screen and seeing your heart flutter is so much more satisfying than the pictures, especially since in them…well you mostly just look like the Bat Signal.

Daddy and I have been tossing around middle names for a first name of “James”…do you like that?

I’m 3/4 of the way done with your first homemade clothing item (A crocheted Sleep sack) even if it doesn’t fit for long (or at all) I feel like it’s given me something to focus on, and feed my anxiety into. I hope that doesn’t make it so you can’t sleep in it, with all my worries snarled into the yarn. But that is silly, isn’t it?
Love,
Momma

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8 week U/S

8 week U/S

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