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7 wks 0 days

June 5, 2012

Dear Baby,

I had Lunch with Julie today. She is already excited to meet you! It made me think that maybe I should write down all the reactions that I’ve been getting from people.

I think the first thing people say is either “REALLY?!?!” or “WHAT!?!?!” That was Lucas reaction, as well as Your Tinker’s. Megan Guessed because I told her I wanted to have lunch with her!  Aunt Janie cried and Cried. She was in the hospital, and I was going to wait to tell her but wanted to give her something to think about while she was in surgery/recovering (Confession: My real reasoning was that I became obsessed with the idea that she would die on the table, thus making it so she would never know) Lisa asked me Why I switched to caffeine free coke and Andrea Blurted out “Are you Pregnant!??!?!” so thats how they found out. We called Grandada Peter and he sounded very very pleased.

Tomorrow Daddy and I will go to the doctor, and I hope we’ll be able to hear your heartbeat.  It will be the first time, and I think after that you’ll become less of an idea and more of a reality. Also we should be able to get  a better bead on how old you are already, so I can plan better when to expect you. (Confession #2: I’m kind of hoping we are four days off and you can be born on Daddy’s birthday)

Some anxiety has set in for me. As time passes it becomes more real, and yet less believable somehow: I Am Having A Baby, and there seems to be no end to the decisions and choices to make, and things to buy. The shopping possibilities do thrill me (only once in a life time do you get to go buy your 1st baby’s 1st pair of Converse Sneakers) But the baby stores fill me with dread and anxiety. Everything is cute and colorful and expensive, and after half and hour NONE of it makes sense/seems necessary. This voice in my head starts chanting about Women in the MIddle Ages, and how they didn’t need anything more then some hides to wrap around the kids behind.

Its the same with all the other options: Cloth diaper/disposables, breastfeeding/formula, co sleep, self soothing, attachment parenting. Do I need a bottle sterilizer? how about a wipe warmer? the Bumble seats look like torture racks. why buy a bassinet?

and so I quietly go mad, retching from morning sickness, buried under a pile of information that I don’t know what to do with.

Not that any of this is your fault, Baby. But you’ll learn that Momma can be kind of a nutjob.

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